November 11th -- Pregnant

Nov 11

Cursa brought the news, and I am still digesting it. Pregnant with Tee's child. The man who has all by denounced me, and my way of life, is not forever a part of me. Then I saw him, and couldn't help myself. I told the bastard of the child.

Everything in me wishes I hadn't. I know that he has wanted a child for so long since the death of his family. I carried a figurative knife that I wanted to cut out his heart with, and I have vowed that he will never see the child. He will not stop until he has taken our baby, and I know that.

Funny how fast love turned to hate, and yet, I cannot truly hate him. Even with his glasses, I can see on his face how torn he is. Or perhaps that is just my fantasy, that he really did love me through all that. I have let him go, and yet, every morning as I try to get over the morning sickness, I know that he is still a part of me.

Dex has become my constant companion, but I can't use him like this. I have never had anyone in my life so loyal despite being tossed aside so many times. Though I know I have never meant to hurt him, there must be some pain that I knew of Tee long before I told anyone. And had things not turned out like they had, I am not sure I would not have kept the secret.