A talk with Pepper

Pepper wanted a meeting, and I knew something was up. She usually only wanted meetings to pump me for information, but lately, well, I think she's been needing a friend. The problem is she's a rare breed. She's incorruptible and working for the Alliance. She's in a lose-lose situation.

We talked about my former husband Sanders, and then the man I married, William T. Faith. She apparently wants to open an investigation into his dealings with us rim rats. After all, he did kill and also was getting ahold of weapons that even in his position as an agent, he should never have had. Funny how all this comes to light now. I have mixed feeling about helping her, but at the same time, I have to protect my unborn child.

We also talked about Sanders, and even Sentry. I continued to let her believe that Sentry is dead. Better all around that way. He needs to stay save, and she doesn't need to deal with the moral dilemma of whether or not she should bring Sentry in when she knows he was framed. I worry about when her mind is going to pop. For now, we keep are still friends, and I wish that there was something I could do to bring her over to our side. Yet, at the same time, she is my only window into the mind of the Alliance. The only contact in the know that I can trust. Despite the fact that my men don't trust her, we were roommates, and friends. That doesn't get lost when we're on other sides of a very bloody war.

November 30th -- Memories

Nov 30

Cody seems to be hinting that Tee brainwashed me. It's a bit silly if you ask me, but I promised to let Cursa test me. I guess he was too far from the two of us. In truth, I loved Tee, and I know it wasn't about brainwash. With all that's happened lately though, I can't help but be worried that there is more to our relationship than I thought.

Lea was able to see me today. Overall, she said I had a healthy if not large baby. Looks like I'm going to be trying to get a football player out. This isn't exactly something I'm looking forward to. Dex and Sentry have already promised to be there, mostly so I can throw things at both of them. I just hope Willie will be back in time to see his nephew or niece born as well.

Willie went to the Core. He seemed ... upset. Mostly, he disapproved of the "comfort" I was getting from Dex. After all if William found out, Dex would be a marked man. It's hard not to be frustrated. Either way, I hope that he comes back with Chocolate. Despite not fully trusting Willie, I do think I'm going to miss the big lug until he returns.

November 28th -- Drugs

I was on a run to Splinter Rock when I heard about the commotion on Shadow. From what I was able to gather the boys (Dex, Sentry, Willie) had discovered drug runners. A firefight occurred, and by the time I had arrived, they had somehow got away with the drugs. I'm still not clear on this. When I found them, Cody was also with them.

My first reaction was to destroy the death powder. After all, this is what had corrupted Sanders beyond recognition, and I had seen what it had done to another man, if you could have called the beast I saw a man. Either way, I was willing to get rid of it no matter the money loss, but Dex told me that there was another use that doesn't involve ingestion by people. He already knows a buyer that will use it for legitimate means.

I trust Dex, but I still feel a crawling up my spine that this will only lead to pain. Willie has hidden and left mines at the site of the cargo. Dex has 48 hours to get it off our hands or I will see that it's lit on fire never to harm anyone. If anyone else gets ahold of it, there's going to be more trouble in the 'Verse.

November 27th -- Plans

Nov 27th

The meeting with Cody, Cursa, Lea, Sentry, and others went well. Overall, we see to be moving forward with plans for what to do when the inevitable happens, and the Alliance hits the rim, and hits us hard. Piling up food, medicine, and guns as fast as we can, is a start, but secondly training those who day to day lives have never been affected by war. It won't be easy.

Sentry is still angry at me, and I can understand to a certain point. Tee is still in my blood, and there is nothing I can do about that. Every day that I wake up in the morning and crawl to the toilet, I can't help but wonder if I should have done something different. Sentry wants me to relax and slow down, but I have so much to account for, and so much left to do before I can rest.

I'll be seeing Lea as my doctor for now. The rim needs more of them, but the educated don't like to venture out this far. It's not a comfortable life. I sometimes think about John Henry, and know that he is probably enjoying a martini on some Ariel resort. Why do I care so much? Tee has offered me sanctuary if I go with him. And yet, I stay out here, desperately scrambling to help a few who might not even want to help themselves. Maybe I should just give up. So much easier to just go home into the waiting arms of family, but I can't do that to those that trust me. Can't give up, there's too much riding on this.

November 26th -- Meeting the Constable

I had thought of Splinter Rock as a place away from Alliance reach, despite William's attempt to take the TTW office as his own headquarters. After meeting the Constable, I am not longer sure that is the case. Thankfully, my papers were in order, Dylan had provided a few of us with papers that would pass the test, apparently.

The Constable was a vial man, really. Sees the miners as inhuman work machines, and me as nothing more than a woman who could not possibly lead. He seemed to leave me with a threat, before he ran out of the room like a little boy running away from a broken window. The man doesn't seem to have a brave bone in his body. It's possible we can use that to our advantage, but for now it might be best to just watch him, and make sure he doesn't bring in the Alliance.

Splinter Rock is not the haven I had hoped.

November 20th -- Scattered

Nov 20

I woke up from a nightmare last night. The universe collapsed in on itself, and I was left in the blackhole, forever an able to breathe, to see, or touch. I had to turn up the heat to drive away the cold. Dex stirred a little when I got out of bed.

Despite my fear of what might happen if Tee finds out, I have decided to stop pretending I don't care for Dex. He has been everything I could possibly need and more. And yet, there is a part of me that fears hurting him. Am I still in love with Tee? I cannot say no.

The Alliance is closing in, and we are still just a rag-tag group of people, some of us honest, others not so much, that are just wanting to get on with our lives. Yet, if we do not do something soon, there will be nothing left.

Both Cursa and I have talked with High Priestess Varahi the leader of the Companion's guild about the coming issues. She has agreed to help us despite the position it puts her in. Though she thinks first of her girls, it seems that she is not heartless.

In these last few weeks, Cursa has surprised me. The young man is no more than 19, and yet he has stepped up to play such an essential part. There is a part of me, that is sad to see his innocence lost to such a vial thing as war, but he is becoming a man, and a good one. His skills as a medic are essential to us, and his ability to bring groups together is what we need.

The scattered masses cannot continue to be scattered or we will be beaten down. Those of us who will not assimilate will be killed and the rest will become just more cogs for the Alliance to continue it's ever stretching reach. This isn't just about freedom, it's about dignity, and humanity. We lose all if they win.

November 15th -- Beheading

Tee is dead. What is left is William T. Faith, I man who is a barbarian putting a head on a stick in front of his office. A man who once lived, is now a sick decoration for his distorted mind. Was I blind to all this? Was this always the man that I thought I loved?

I can't seem to answer my own questions, and I wonder if Tee is still in there somewhere. Maybe? Is there any chance of resurrection?

Dex spent his time comforting me. When he is not working to restore life to Shadow through plants, and other vegetation, he seems always willing to help. Now that I have officially taken over TTW transport, I need all the help I can get.

Pepper would laugh if she knew I was a captain now. Never thought we'd be on opposite sides. And yet, here I am trying to make sure the Alliance is kept out of our space. There's a noose out there that I can feel getting ever closer. Just hope it isn't around TTW. There are some that want to retaliate because of the beheading. They are almost as dangerous as the Alliance. I just hope to whatever powers there be that the brown coats don't end up drenched in the blood of the innocent.