November 11th -- Pregnant

Nov 11

Cursa brought the news, and I am still digesting it. Pregnant with Tee's child. The man who has all by denounced me, and my way of life, is not forever a part of me. Then I saw him, and couldn't help myself. I told the bastard of the child.

Everything in me wishes I hadn't. I know that he has wanted a child for so long since the death of his family. I carried a figurative knife that I wanted to cut out his heart with, and I have vowed that he will never see the child. He will not stop until he has taken our baby, and I know that.

Funny how fast love turned to hate, and yet, I cannot truly hate him. Even with his glasses, I can see on his face how torn he is. Or perhaps that is just my fantasy, that he really did love me through all that. I have let him go, and yet, every morning as I try to get over the morning sickness, I know that he is still a part of me.

Dex has become my constant companion, but I can't use him like this. I have never had anyone in my life so loyal despite being tossed aside so many times. Though I know I have never meant to hurt him, there must be some pain that I knew of Tee long before I told anyone. And had things not turned out like they had, I am not sure I would not have kept the secret.

November 8th - The aftermath

Nov 8

I'm still numb. The wedding itself went off. Tee and I became husband and wife. The reception had started out perfect as well. If only everyone had gone home after the first dance.

Sanders, my officially dead husband, showed up. There had been rumor before that he was alive, and yet every trail I had followed had left me cold. Justine of the CMC had told me that he was a shell of a man he once was, but still alive. I had failed to believe her.

Yesterday, I saw him. He looked so different, but he was the man I had married. Was... he is dead now, and the man I fell in love with, the man who I pledged my life to, shot him. Tee murdered him, and then turned on his own private weapon--Mikie.

I had known for a while, and for my silence, I lost so much. The respect of my peers, both my husbands, and almost my dear friends. Tee used the very people he said he cared for, most of all he used me. The rest of us are moving on with the fact that he has once again is officially with the Alliance. He had told me two weeks ago, and I had held my tongue. Why? Because I thought that love would get us the fact that he worked for the enemy of everything I believed now? I sold out, and I paid.

November 7th - Before the Wedding

The day has finally come. I am dressing, and this is one of the happiest days of my life. Tee and I are finally to be married. Our life will start together, and I will no longer be just a first mate. It seems perfect. Though I have not talked to him personally, I have heard from others that his mood is bright and happy.

We will have many bumps in the road, but I think that we can work them out. His other career, will hopefully be over soon, and we can stay in the black. I'm feeling a bit sick to my stomach this morning, but I think it's just nerves and stress.

Dex is here now, waiting for me as I finish up. I had asked him to give me away before I knew the truth about how he felt. Now, well when I look at him I feel some guilt. It was never meant to be this way, but I am glad he is staying with TTW. I can hear the music from here, my future is perfect.

November 6th - Wedding Eve

Nov 6

It feels strange to be back from the imprisonment. Though I'd hate to admit it, I still think about my capture. He intrigued me, and I wonder exactly what his true nature is. I do hope to meet him again, though this time, I'll be carrying a gun.

Dex was the one who came to pick me up. Though there is a part of me that understands, I still wonder why Tee did not himself bring me back to civilization. Tee seems to be on the brink of losing it. With the two kidnappings and the attack on Shadow, his cheerful appearance seems to be slipping. Our wedding is tomorrow, and though I am thrilled, there is a part of me that fears that perhaps I am making a mistake. Is the man I love really the man I'm going to marry?